I need some elderly female advice preferably?

me and my boyfriend broke up a while back. Its been about four mnths i havent seen him or talked to him. We broke up because he said he wasnt right for me & it could nvr work cuzz i dont understand him. So this wasnt the first time we broke up we been tryin to make us work but this time its over for good I guess were not meant to be. Whats bthering me is that idk y im sad or hurt because i dont love him and when i was with him i wasnt all that happy I even played games to push him away but each time he decides to leave i beg him to stay. Why do i do that am i insane? Why do i care abt him evn tho i dnt love him? Why cant i forget about him? im not a bad person i just dnt know wat i want or so it seems. By the way im 20 and he is 26